How I got to this point is a story of years, one which I will one day tell. For now I’ll try to explain the gist of it.
I’ve been a ticking time bomb for months. I knew without help I would die and I knew I was deteriorating but I had nowhere to turn to. No doctor wanted to help me, or see me. They didn’t want the responsibility over my case and were always afraid and nervous when I was in their hospital.
I’ve gone blind in front of doctors, seized in front of their faces, had a sort of locked in syndrome, couldn’t talk, couldn’t control my eye movements and choked. Every single thing they instantly solved by stabilizing my neck.
They didn’t allow me to eat because they were afraid of what could happen. Didn’t give me any fluids even though I couldn’t swallow. I wasn’t allowed anymore to take off the colar in front of them. But they never wanted to help me. In stead they wrote down I was crazy, said I was severely depressed even though despite everything that couldn’t have been further from the truth. Said that I suffered from panic attacks (to justify blindness, seizures and the collapsing of my body) and that I created my own symptoms. Extensive letters from psychiatrists and psychologists saying I was fine were ignored; psychiatry, when not saying what suited them best, was subjective after all. They said my mother had Munchhausen by Proxy, lied about treatments which I had never received, lied about the way I had reacted to treatments I did receive (with significant consequences for my further treatment), wrote doctors letters about the consultations before I had even entered their room. And all of this happened after I had already been clinically diagnosed by 2 different surgeons and my scans, even though not upright, had also already proven to show faults.
Upright scans, necessary for the diagnosis, were in my case impossible, every radiologist found it too dangerous.
Every single doctor knew what was wrong with me, some even acknowledged they’d keep calling me crazy forever because I had something the medical world simply didn’t know yet. Conservatively everybody took their hands off me because treating me could kill me. Surgically every surgeon who wanted to help me had a boss who didn’t want to help me. Resulting in promising me treatments and then taking them away again which meant losing crucial time. They didn’t refer me or tell me what I should do. There was absolutely nobody I could turn to, not accutely, nor long term.
One of the consequences of this medical system is that I am awake in every single picture where I am tied to the bed. They were days through hell and I’m proud that I made it until the surgery. But I hope this will never have to happen again to anyone.
I prayed to God every night to help me see another day, I asked him to do to me whatever he wanted but for Him to help me live. I asked Him to let this not be in vain, I asked Him to help me so I could help other people. Because there are so many others. I asked Him to bring the truth to light and help me get justice for everybody. I asked Him to let everything happen as long as my case in the future can help prevent the same road for somebody else.
All I wish for is for this not to be in vain.
Reactie plaatsen
Reacties